...who has shit herself live on air?

I co-produced / presented a documentary on miscarriages leading up to the birth of Beryl. And it just so happened to be on air 10 days after she was born. So let's just establish a few facts before we get into the nitty gritty. I was hormonal, sleep deprived, emotional, slightly ok fine massively unhinged and there I was preparing to talk live on air on three different radio stations about miscarriage.

Mum had Beryl upstairs, "try to hurry up luv, I've got to get to work" like I was in control of anything never mind timings of three stations.

My phone rang and I could hear the output; a clip of the documentary, a really sad clip where I am crying longing for my unborn child. A strange feeling came over me, sadness yes but also an overwhelming urge to trump. Bugger it I thought, I'm alone, it's radio and I'm not on air yet. Better out than in. Only it wasn't a trump. I had indeed shit myself. Diarrhea no less. And I had to stand in it for the first, second and third interviews. I stood in my mum and dads dining room, in my own shit, talking about miscarriages.

As he third station hung up I ran upstairs. "Jesus, you've been ages, here she's awake, shock, I've gotta get to work...what the HELL is that smell" I couldn't look at her in the eye. "Do not touch these clothes mother, do not ask me anything just don't leave for the love of god, I've reached rock bottom."

Brilliant.