• crewders

...who finally breaks down

The Lock Down: day 7

06:30 Yes, yes the clock may well say 6:30 but its bullshit isn’t it? It’s still 5:30 just the clock’s gone forward so therefore does that make me more tired as I’ve lost an hours sleep? Or better off cos this long day has just been cut short by an hour? No matter how many times people shout at me SPRING FORWARD JUMP BACK to understand the clock change, I still can’t make sense of it. All I know is I am battered after yet another shit night sleep.

08:30 He takes Beryl for a walk so I can do a gymnastic UK work out. This is from my mates 7-year old girl. I genuinely LOL at how easy it will be.

08:35 5 mins in I have to take a breather. Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me? I text her? Sadly not. 3 rounds in total and I am close to death half a round in.

10am They’re back, she’s up and we play. And play some more. And then more before lunch.

13:30 He goes off for his daily bike ride and leaves me with Beryl. I stand in her room stroking her back for 25 mins with half an eye open. I lean over that crib daily and every time I question how much damage I am doing to my rib cage. She starts laughing so I leave, she’s taking the piss out of me. 16 long, screaming minutes later I am now crying and I have no idea why. So, I get her and get in bed with her. Come on now babes we need a kip. She goes quiet. Aha it’s worked. I’m almost asleep when I realise she is not. No, no, instead of sleeping she is quietly picking off the sequins of my favourite jumper which now reads SUNDA. Within 180 seconds we’re in coats, tears rolling down my pathetic face and we’re off to the garage, I’ll walk her asleep.

He’s taken the garage key.

The pram is in the garage.

I’ll go for a drive.

He didn’t put car seat back in the car.

Car seat is in the garage.

I send passive aggressive text and we spend the next 30 minutes eating ginger nuts.

3pm He’s back and apologetic. I sob. He questions why. I mumble…Corona, want my mum, shit birthday, car, garage, no sleep, want gin. He suggests I go get some air. I do, I walk her for 50 mins, she doesn’t sleep but I talk at best friend in Spain. I must send her money for her never ending counselling sessions.

4pm I walk in to a clean kitchen and a large G&T. I must have break downs more often.

4:15 He has just transformed my life with the following words: “We should start dinner for her babe, it’s getting late”

“Hardly, it's not even half 4”

“It’s almost half 5 babe”

OH HOLY CHRIST YESSSSSSSSSS I’d been going off the battery kitchen clock that is clearly an hour behind. He just sped this shit long day up by an hour. I practically danced to the kitchen making dinner for all.

7:15 Joy and elation at clock error soon disappeared as she wouldn’t go to sleep. 45 mins of sobs and MUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMY.

8:30 Hosted online support group for charity. Would have been a lot better had she not been screaming in the background.

10:15 and there goes any hope of a decent sleep. Next to me is Beryl, blankie, dolly 1 and dolly 2, a Crayola twisty, a sock and a paintbrush. All necessary items conducive of an uncomfortably long night.

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