• crewders

… who doesn’t know what they want to do when they grow up

Help me. I am 37 years old and I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. NO, you are wrong I am not an adult, I do NOT have my shit together. Yesterday I decided that I might look into retraining as a solicitor – could it really be that hard? This came after a filling where after 3 injections I went a tad delirious and asked if I could be taken on as a trainee dentist. Do you see? I am in desperate need of some direction.

Here’s the thing, for as long as I can remember I wanted to be a presenter, TV or radio, though if pushed came to shove, it’s radio. Why? Because obviously I get longer to talk. Have you met me???

I crawled my way to the top of the BBC corporate ladder as a weather presenter which was definitely not the path I thought I’d take but an old boss twisted my arm. I probably wouldn’t have let it be as bent backwards had I known that life as a local weather presenter mean 3am alarms, they are the sole reason I am now an insomniac. After years of picking up other peoples’ radio shows while they sunned themselves in far off countries, I went in, I worked double shifts, I worked days off, all for free so I could one day hear my own jingle on the radio. Dad loved it so much he had it as his message tone.

Only the month I got the job I met “The One” and the bloody one lived in New York, not York, story of my bleeding life. After hurtling ourselves like yo-yos over the Atlantic, I ended up doing the dream job for a year and then myself and my ever-increasing baby bump packed up and headed stateside.

And now? We’re back on English soil and every now and then I’m back on tele and radio doing the weather. But it’s a shift here, a shift there. And am I fulfilled? Do I wake every morning ready to face the day armed with marigolds, wet wipes, bottles, spare clothes, nappies all whilst realising it’s been the best part of a week since I showered, never mind washed my hair. Do I even remember the shade of Mac Studio Fix Fluid foundation I religiously wore? No, no I do not.

So, here’s the question and believe me I’ve asked it myself every day now for the past year … what do I want to do when I grow up? And if you could answer that and then sort it out for me I’d be so very grateful.

Yours Sincerely,

A tired, unmotivated, unfocussed, once z list radio star mother.

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